I have died every day
by gayheda3003
Summary: Once upon a time Rachel loved Quinn and Quinn loved Rachel. Then things got messy and now Rachel's with Finn and Quinn's with Santana. And things are easy. Excepts Quinn's ill, Rachel's messed up and Santana and Finn are trying to keep up. Summary sucks just read :) (Rating M because the subject is pretty dark)
Hey ! So here's a prologue I wrote a long time ago for a Faberry fic that I never got to write. I just found it in my computer and thought I would share it with you guys ! The question is : should I keep on writing it ? For now it's just some ideas floating around my head but if you'd like to read it, I would be happy to try and write this story. Just tell me what you think :) Before I let you read I must add that english isn't my mother tongue (I'm French) and so that there might be mistakes, just tell me, I'll correct. Here we go !

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Santana Lopez was hot. She knew it. And she liked to act on it. She was a smooth talker, had an extensive collection of form fitting dresses and one night stands. Maybe it had something to do with some crap hiding in her past, and maybe she should have given more thoughts to it, but for now, she liked sex and easy feelings. And the way these girls would look at her every time she'd enter her favorite bar. It ranked from lust to jealousy and she loved all of it. She liked to think she could turn straight girl gay, and gay girl, well even gayer. She was what you could call a womanizer. Or at least she used to be. Until she set her eyes on that girl on that night.

She had never meant to date Quinn Fabray. She was suppose to buy her a drink, chat her up and have sex with her. But their one night stand had turn into a regular thing, and soon enough, she had learn how the girl took her breakfast and when to supply vodka and cookies to let her drown her feelings. Quinn Fabray was not easy, she was fucked up. But somehow Santana had let her sink into her life and even though they had never really discuss their feelings (apart from that drunken night Quinn had ask her to be her girlfriend), she kept on waking up next to the blonde, and it was nice. Sometimes, Quinn would disappear for a few days, but what mattered was that she always came back, a little less fucked up, or a little more, but she would always come back.

Actually, saying Quinn was fucked up wasn't really appropriate. She was ill. Or at least that was what Santana had guessed, based on smashed plates, food trouble and knowing the girl was seeing a psychologist. That and the razor blades. Quinn had violent mood swings she would go from happy and bubbly to screaming and scary, from bacon lover to not eating, from law student to no-future skank. She was the kind of complicated girl Santana should have avoid at all cost, but from a one night stand to living alongside each other, they somehow fit and weirdly enough, waking up next to the girl was not something she was ready to give up just to fit in her own "easy feeling" lifestyle. So when the sleeping beauty resting beside her started stirring and mumbling incoherent things, Santana felt a smile growing on her face and she sat her notebook back on the bedside table.

Quinn Fabray had never meant to date Santana Lopez either. After what she called the "Rachel mess" she had even decided on never dating anyone ever again. Not because Rachel had fucked her up but because she had fucked up Rachel. Everything and everyone she touched seemed to turn to ashes. And if destroying herself was okay, she couldn't stand to hurt anyone, nobody deserved that. For endless nights she had pray that Rachel would finally get the hint and get away by herself. But for some weird reasons the brunette had stand by her side. For a while, it felt glorious, like she had finally succeed in something. But quickly, Rachel had became too much. Too in love. And too fragile. Quinn had awoken one night, suffocating, and she knew it had to stop. Not just because she couldn't breathe herself, but because Rachel would en up not breathing as well. She would crush her, she couldn't think of any other way for things to end up. She had tried to get away from the girl. God ! She swear she had tried to get away ! But she felt this strange pull and she always end up coming back. For one more word, one more hug, one more kiss. She would kiss her and run away. Or not kiss her and run after her. Ever way, Rachel kept showing up every time she called. But when in her eyes, love had started mixing up with fear, Quinn had understand it had became to much, and she had forced her to be free. Now Rachel was dating Finn. And she seemed happy. From time to time, Quinn would see that look in her eyes again, but she would pretend not to, for both their sakes.

So yeah, Quinn Fabray had never meant to date Santana Lopez. But for some reasons being with the latina was easy. Maybe because she seemed impossible to break. Maybe because she had never been in love with her. Maybe because she knew the girl would not fall for her. And also because even though she cared for Santana, she wasn't rooted in her. For these reasons and some others, being with Santana was easy. It didn't required feelings. It was nice and comfortable. She didn't felt like she was cheating every time she would dance with someone in the club, she wasn't afraid of her judgement, she could jump her anytime she felt horny without feeling guilty afterward, Santana wasn't pressuring her when she wasn't feeling like talking or going out, and she wasn't afraid to crush her. They were more than just sex buddies (even though what had caught her eyes was, well all that hotness), but they weren't planing to get married and have babies either. It wasn't scary.

At first, when Santana and her had started to fall in some kind of routine, she had been hella scared. She couldn't allow something like that to happen again. She was in it for the sex, and nothing more. She had went back to her favorite bar and had let herself been picked up by some blue haired girl very well knowing that it would get back to Santana's ears. Upon learning it, the latina had barely raised an eyebrow and had went back to her baking. And just like that Quinn had understood it could be easy. So when that morning, she started to awake, she cuddle closer to the girl and with a content sight, tried to steal a few more minutes of sleep. Until it hit her it was Rachel's day, and suddenly she was wide awake. Because yeah, the minor detail in the "Rachel mess" was that they were still friends.

The least you could say was that for such a tiny person, Rachel Berry was very dynamic. It was 6am and she was gracefully working out on her elliptical, an appropriate playlist running in her iPod ; while her boyfriend, Finn Hudson, was still sleeping in her bedroom, not so delicately snoring. And it was Quinn's day, meaning she was twice as dynamic as any other day. She needed the extra work out to keep herself from bouncing everywhere and to restrain her mind from wandering. Her relationship with Quinn Fabray was not easy, at all. She was in love with her ; and she was pretty sure Quinn had been in love with her too, at some point. But now they were friends, just friends. It didn't mean she wasn't in love with her boyfriend too, she was one of these persons who thought it was possible to be in love with more than one person at the same time. What it meant was that she was in love with Quinn, end of story, no need to dwell on it for thirty years. Well at least that was what she was telling every time one of her friends would ask the question because truth was it was way more complicated than that. If some old knowledge guardian had asked her the same question, Rachel would have answered that Quinn was her soulmate. She didn't knew why, or how the hell it had happened, she just knew it, she felt it. And not being able to be with her in the way she wanted to be was a daily struggle. To anyone who wasn't Quinn, she hided it pretty easily (because she was a goddamn skilled actress thank you very much), but in front of the blonde, her mask never hold too long, and she felt her love pouring through every pores of her skin. A tiny tiny voice in the back of her head kept on whispering her that maybe she should have stop seeing the girl, but the way her heart rate picked up every time she heard the special ringtone she had assigned to the blonde was telling her otherwise. Plus, she would have damn herself just to see Quinn's smile. She had a very pretty smile.

In the room next door, she heard her boyfriend stumble other some furniture he had forgotten was here, again. Rachel smiled, she was lucky to have him. He seemed to understand the whole Quinn situation (well, it did had taken quite a while to get it through is damn head…) and most of the time, he was supportive. Still sporting his sleepy eyes, he made is way toward his girlfriend, he had long stop asking how she could get up that early, and sweetly kissed her sweaty forehead.

"- It's Quinn's day, right ? He asked.

\- It is, smiled Rachel.

\- Come on, get down of that damn machine, I'll make you some vegan pancake !

\- I'll be there in a minute."

Finn Hudson was a good boyfriend, sure, he wasn't the smartest tool in the box, but he was nice, fairly good looking, ready to stand by her on her way to fame, and he loved her. Oh, and he was ready to take all her crap. The same crap she had been train to hide since middle school. She hadn't planned on falling for him. He was Kurt's step-brother and she had known in since forever. They never were really close, until that day he had found her on is brother doorstep clutching to an half-down bottle of vodka with mascara streams running down her face. Since Kurt wasn't home he had took care of her himself (canceling a very hot date in the process) the only way he knew how, with a hot chocolate and a poorly chosen movie. When later on the night, after he had hold her hair up while she was puking her guts out, she cuddled close to him, he knew he had made the right choice.

And so that's the way it was. Quinn was dating Santana and Rachel was dating Finn. And later on that day, when Santana would be sitting in front of her computer and Finn would be fixing some engine at the garage, Quinn and Rachel would meet up in Central Park, and they probably would found a good reason to hold hands.

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So that was it, I don't really know what to think about it. See you soon for a first chapter (?)

Clara


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